if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
