and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
