dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
