yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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