I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
