so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
