You're so nebulous sometimes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
