Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
