do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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