Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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