I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
