forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
