Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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