You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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