I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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