just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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