the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
