I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
