I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize