The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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