But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
