It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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