I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
