theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
