went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
