I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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