the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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