I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
