i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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