woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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