You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
