It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
