What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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