you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
