I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize