Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
