It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
