Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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