its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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