went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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