he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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