im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
