mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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