Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
