did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
