He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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