Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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