Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Boobs are out for the taking
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
