if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
