Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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