So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
