who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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