Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
