So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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