hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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