Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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