Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
