Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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