Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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