i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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