why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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