Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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