WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
