So drunk, too bad you don't want this
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
