it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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