I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
someone owes me an orgasm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
